20 hours of darkness

Light always finds a way. 

I recently did a 20hr total darkness meditation with a few friends. Total. Absolute. Darkness. 

As the darkness set in, we started noticing tiny beams of light in the room. 

We patched them up and went back to our practices. 

An hour later, we were deeper into the darkness, more light. 

So we patched that up. 

16 hours in total darkness. It was getting real now.

I'm talking a level of darkness that was so confronting. So claustrophobic that I was starting to crack.

But then, a minuscule, almost imperceptible light popped up.

The whole point is to totally surrender to absolute darkness for an extended period of time. 

I was close. For about 15hrs I did. But I won't lie, when I saw that light, I rejoiced. No matter the size.

The point is, even at the darkest layers of life, there is always light. Always.

And even when the room was completely steeped in darkness, there was a light in me, ready to explode.

All I had to do was surrender to it. 

Light always finds a way.

Love,

Bryce

The Simplicity of Simplicity

My clients are thinkers. They love to think. 

And that's good. Until it isn't.

The mind gets bogged down. Always thinking. A cloud of neurosis. 

And one main reason this happens is because of complexity. We make things complex. 

Society tells us it should be complex. We need degrees. We need likes. We need hard work. We need long hours. We need stuff. We need pills. We need tv. We need happy hours. We need not to miss out. We need it all. 

And with this toxicity of need, things get complex. 

We get tangled in a web. And we lose ourselves. Sometimes forever. 

So, what do we do?

Simplify. 

With almost every single client, we simplify. 

Simplify your needs. Thoughts. Drama. Love. Hate. Emotions. Money. Wants. 

Ok?

So, take a breath. Come on, a BIG OL' breath. Hold it. 10 seconds. Then let it out. Do it again. BIG OL' BREATH. 10 seconds. Release. 

Simple is powerful. Trust me on this. From a man who thrived on complexities. Simple is it. 

Water is life. 

Breathing is energy. 

Food is fuel. 

Nature is nourishing. 

Sun is replenishing. 

Our bodies are a temple. 

Simple. 

Love,

Bryce

Bloody, Bruising, Starlight

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Starlight above. It's there. We know it. It's pure. It's radiant. It shines in the darkness of the universe. 

It is ours. We must reach for it though. We can not simply sit in a lawn chair from below and hope that we become it. 

The only way to become it is to claim it. To get off the chair, point to the night sky and with the willpower of the cosmos say,

You. Are. Mine.

And then go after it with every fiber of our being. 

It's easy to describe this starlight. To tell tales of it. To teach other people how to reach it. To write instagram quotes about it. To read books about it. 

But.

It is not the same as claiming it. 

It is not the same as going after it. 

And going after it... it's bloody. It's bruising. It's muddy. It's scary. It's opening. It's truth. It's real. It's breathing. It's roaring. It's weeping. 

It's you. 

It's the starlight. And that is the journey. 

 

Love,

Bryce

Something is not quite right...

Not quite right. What is it? What's not quite right? 

It's hard to put into words. 

It's a feeling. An unease. It's in the background. But something is off.

All the boxes in life are checked. And yet, a deeper knowing. A deeper wanting is whispering in the background. 

It's asking you not to be satisfied with the way things are. Grateful, of course. But not quite satisfied. 

What is it? It's YOU. It's a piece that hasn't fully engaged in life. 

Going through the motions is easy. Sure work is hard. Life is stressful but there's more of you that is still not quite totally onboard yet. 

Maybe you notice this in your personal life. In your free time. In relationship to love. Or dreams. Or trust.  

First step, find out the area of life that doesn't quite feel like you've fully committed or isn't working out the way you want it to. 

Second step, dig deep inside and find out why. Sometimes it's confronting. Sometimes you need help. Sometimes you need to scream. 

But when you do, you allow this YOU to emerge and engage in the world like never before. 

Emerge and engage!

Love,

Bryce

P.S. if you are looking to emerge and want help, reach out. I have 3 remaining slots open for next week. 75 minute skype. $250. 

A confession about Taylor Swift

It's time for a true confession. 

I was in a bathroom putting a blonde wig, miniskirt, and lipstick on...

Wait, quick context for this story...

A few years ago, I was working with a client who was stuck in a cycle of insanity. Couldn't get out of his head and actualize his dreams. We devised a plan and it involved me telling him to step out of his comfort zone and do something radically different than he normally would. I felt it had to be done. I was right. 

(I still believe this is one of the only ways to truly live).

As soon as I hung up with the client, a very good friend called me and had a favor to ask. 

Would I dress up like Taylor Swift and lip sync "Shake it Off" in front of his boss and his entire office...

Silence. 

WTF?

For real?

I was speechless. I was a former corporate lawyer damnit! I worked for the Senate Judiciary Committee. I helped convict Colombian drug lords at the Department of Justice. I was general counsel for a non-profit bringing medical treatment to impoverished children around the world. I wore navy blue suits!

I was...but not any more. 

Instead, Now... I decided to create my life. One of wonder. Of adventure. Of helping people find truth, success, and passion. 

And so, I couldn't simply prescribe things to clients, I had to live them. I had to. If not, I was a fraud. 

Wanting to vomit and die, I agreed. 

Fast forward to me putting a blonde wig on in a bathroom. Miniskirt, bangles, lipstick. Shaking.

Cursing myself for getting into shit like this. My ego was raging. What would my parents think? My friends? My clients?

My friend comes in. Horrified at a 6'1 bearded Taylor Swift he tells me it's time. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. 

I went out and danced. My wig came off. Being bald made the whole spectacle even more horrifying. I forgot the words. I'm not quite the 28yr old girl I used to be. 

After the song was done, audience stunned, I walked back into the bathroom and broke down... laughing. I couldn't stop. 

I was looking at myself in the mirror hysterically laughing. I had done it. I was ALIVE!!! I loved it. I freaking loved it. It broke a shell of lawyer identity that needed breaking. 

By the way ladies, new respect for getting makeup off. It's hell. 

You want to know the funny thing?

I now work closely with this company writing articles, filming videos, and recording podcasts for them...and they have no idea I was the bearded T Swift. 

Moral of the story? 

It may be time to grow a beard, put on a wig, let the law degree go, and Shake, Shake, Shake, it Off.


Love,

Bryce

You So Silly


I can be a very serious person. Which is crazy because I am known as a funny, not serious guy.

I am incredibly neurotic on the most inane things. My wife, Bridget, can attest to this. Research to death which $2 manual toothbrush from CVS is the highest performing. You bet I will. Spend hours reading about the health benefits of apple cider vinegar only to go next door to the cafe and get a cheddar bacon biscuit of death. Absofreakinglutely!

I think, while meditating, about something that happened in 5th grade with a goat, why I love croissants so much, and if I had a cat I would name her Plumb and we would be best friends and tell each other secrets that no one would know. 

Then I get angry at myself for thinking about these things during meditation. And maybe I should move to a cave for 20 years and meditate. Of course Plumb would have to come because she knows all my secrets.  

All still happening while I'm meditating. 

The point is that I am guilty of taking this wacky life a little too seriously. 

I forget the simplicity in being goofy. The craziness of being crazy. And letting all the self-importance of the ego drop. 

When I let my heart expand, my belly be full of laughter, my eyes open to beauty, and my mind live in the moment, that is when I find the truest joy. The truest aliveness.

And then of course, in those moments... is when I find me. 

Funny, huh. 

Love,

Bryce

True Success

Embarking on the quest of TRUE success is a scary thing. 

It means claiming what you want and how you want it. 

It means taking responsibility for everything in life. 

It means choosing how time, money, relationships work for you.

It means believing in something bigger than your fixed reality.

It means believing in your core power. 

It means believing in you.

It means believing. 

And once you've decided to believe in something you've fundamentally known your entire life...

even if you can't put it to words...

will you be ready.

You are ready.

Love,

Bryce

Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner

Ahh but to some extent we all put Baby in the corner. 

Baby is our fearful selves.

Her father is our Work.

Johnny is our Badass selves.

Work knows best. Work creates fear. Work is our master. Work comes first. All hail work.

To the corner we go!

We have dreams but Work tells us they are not compatible with being an adult. 

Work calls us Baby. 

But here comes Johnny. Leather jacket. Renegade. Dancing phenom.

His hair!

He doesn't give a shit what Work thinks. 

He rescues Us, looks Work in the eye and says, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!" (swoon)...

Are you Baby or are you Johnny?

Do you need your badass to come out and rescue you? 

If so, throw on your leather jacket, grab your fearful self, run on stage and get ready to be catapulted through the air. 

That's really how it works.

We simply need the courage to believe. 

Love, 


Bryce

Making a Pact For Magic

Do you know why for the longest time my tagline for BOOM was "Fuck it, I choose magic?" 

It was because I made a decision, to choose magic. 

And I decided to choose magic when I was still an attorney.

Which is forbidden. 

But there I was, day 7 of a meditation retreat. My soul exposed. The bullshit stripped away. I was no longer an attorney. No longer an actor. No longer Bryce. I was simply me.

And being me, I realized a true belief in magic. Something I had hidden so deeply, that even acknowledging it was painful. 

Magic is for children. It is make believe. It is the stuff of fairytales. It is not reality. 

Yet, there it was. The purest of pure knowings that it did exist. 

And it was mine for the taking. 

So, I said to God, or the Divine, or Buddha, or Whoever or Whatever is up there, "You know what, I'll play your game. Ahh fuck it, I CHOOSE MAGIC!"

It was my pact. That I would never forget that golden truth burning inside me where dreams explode, realities change, and miracles flow. 

And now I pose to you, in these early days of 2018, what is your pact? What is your, "fuck it, I choose magic?"

Choose wisely...for it may come true.

Love,

Bryce

Forging a new path

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When we set out to forge a new path, be it through a resolution, a new relationship, a habit, mindset, whatever, it must have one very key ingredient...

WANTING

We must truly want it. It can't be what we DON'T want. 

It can't be out of fear or lack. 

The path we must forge has to be out of pure, unbridled wanting. 

How do we know if this wanting is real?

It has a certain solidity to it. It's quiet. It's deep. It's knowing. 

There is no need to impress or prove in it. 

It is ours and ours alone. 

And when we do decide to forge this new path, we are much more likely to stick to it. It's not fleeting and fair-weather. 

It's truth. And in that truth we will find success. We will find out path.

Love,

Bryce

Demand the New Year

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Demand it. 

I could end the email there. But that's really it. Demand it. 

For this 2018, demand it. Don't let it happen to you. 

Demand it for yourself. Demand it FROM yourself. 

Dig deep and find that area in your body that knows how to get things done. 

It's different than having a nice GOAL to lose weight, find love, be more present, make more money, have weekend tickle fights, and be a less anxious person. 

It's a demand. It's drawing a line in the sand and saying this is how this is going to work.

Now of course it could all go differently but it's the act of choosing YOU.

Demanding is a choosing.

There is no room for "whoa as me, the world is ending, we are all going to die, there is no way out, I'm trapped in my current life." 

It's choosing you. It's having your back. It's believing in yourself. It's saying this could get all sorts of fucked up, but damnit, I chose. 

It's a roar.

Demand it, go after it, and get messy. It's your year for the taking.

Fuck it, I choose magic.

Bryce

Keep It Simple Stupid

Keep It Simple Stupid. This was something my acting teacher would always say to us. He begged us to keep it simple. Implored us to keep it simple. 

Crafting a character and then performing it requires precision and simplicity. The minute the mind begins to dramatize a performance, you're dead. 

Life is no different. Keep it simple. The more I work with my clients the more I realize it truly is about simplicity. It's scary how powerful simplicity is. 

It's also scary how much we fight against simplicity. We hate it. 

I work with high achievers. They are usually very smart. They know how to do their jobs well.

However, in other areas of their lives, they've gotten so tangled up, so imbedded in the chaos that they've lost their way to simplicity. 

My job is to untangle that mess. Find the simplest route to success in the area of life that is failing. And then hold them accountable to that route. 

Simple. 

Find the areas in your life that are unnecessarily complicated. Cut the excess out and boom, you're on your way to finding true success again. 


Love,

Bryce

Ebbs and Flows

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Life goes up. Life goes down. It goes dark. It goes light. Soft. Roaring. Terror. Love. Backwards and forwards. In and out. 

Life follows its own path. We know this. And yet, how often do we fight against it?

We want a level of control that is impossible. 

If there is one thing which has been proven over and over again is that we have no control. 

But why do we fight it so much? Why don't we accept it?

There are many reasons out there, but the biggest is simply because we have no trust in ourselves. We truly don't believe we can do this life. 

We haven't got our own backs. And this is the fundamental crack in ourselves. 

We simply don't trust ourselves. 

If we started, slowly, trusting ourselves. Believing in ourselves. Fighting for OURSELVES. Well, things would be different. 

When change comes, and it will, we will have control over the one thing that matters most. Ourselves. 

Mastery over the self is the greatest thing a human can master. It's profound and it is probably the only thing we can control. 

So go on, give it a try. 

Love,

Bryce

Putting the cart before the horse...

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We all know what we "should" do:

Be grateful
Love
Eat well
Be powerful
Judge and compare less
Be happy
Be vulnerable
Be less anxious
Work life balance
Etc...

But why? Why SHOULD we?  

All of these things are great, don't get me wrong. But it's backwards. The only thing we "should" be focusing on, first and foremost, is finding out who we are. WHO WE ARE. 

None of this matters if we don't have a clue who we truly are. It just doesn't. It's putting the cart before the horse.

Because once we start exploring the depths of ourselves, that's when life changes. It's success in its greatest form. It's YOU.

You discover you, well, there's no "should" list. There is only an "I AM" list:  

Grateful
Love
Eating well
Owning my power
Judging and comparing less
Happy
Vulnerable
Less anxious
Work life balance

Get the order right and, boom, magic!

Love,

Bryce

How to Feng Shui Your Home To Achieve Your New Year's Resolutions

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I recently was asked by PureWow to give my tips for using your home to achieve your New Year's Resolutions (focus on women). 

Here is the article with my tips. Check it out. It's a quick read and it has pictures!

But BELOW is the raw unedited info I gave. There is a lot more and you may find it useful. (pardon the grammar and spelling mistakes...it's raw).

 

PureWow article: Tips for Feng Shui’ing Your Home to Achieve New Year’s Resolutions (unedited)

Get a new job

2 things. Clear all the entrance ways to the home and to the bedroom. When an entrance is blocked it's signaling to the world that you aren't ready. You are hiding. You don't want that new job. So clear it out. See if there is a chair, a pile of clothes, a lamp, a table, shoes, ANYTHING blocking your way to success. These are deeply rooted in the subconscious and you'll be amazed how quickly it can work. Clear room for you to conquer the world.

Get in shape

Put workout clothes and shoes in a very accessible place. See it. Feel it. You want to make sure you make contact with your workout clothes at least once a day. It will help remind you what you should be doing for your body. If they are hidden somewhere in the back, it will allow you to hide as well. The other thing is that you want to get rid of any clothes that hold you to the past. So that good be clothes that you keep "just in case" you gain more weight, or even lose the weight. Those clothes are reminders of a time that no longer exists. Even if there are clothes you want to try to fit into when you get in shape, they are still from the past. They hold an old energy that's not quite right anymore.  If you get in shape, reward yourself by purging any clothes that no longer fit, big or small.

Eat healthy

Clean out all the old stale food, spices, pots, pans, glasses and dishes from your kitchen cabinets. You want to be greeted by only that which you need in your kitchen. If it's a mess of old, old, old, then it will block any chance of starting a new path, especially eating healthy. Feel the joy of space with a kitchen that can breathe that only houses nourishing food and items that feed the soul. Also, eat at a table. Eating on the couch in front of the tv is not good. You are crouched over mindlessly sucking food down while watching netflix. It's dishonoring yourself and the food.

Stop procrastinating

Have a clutter free desk. Less is more. You want to remove as much as possible from your line of sight. That may even include the phone. The best way to deal with procrastination is to create an environment where nothing can distract you. No toys, trinkets, papers, books, phone, social media anything. Also, try creating times periods where you don't check any emails. Try it for 30 minutes at a time. And if you are procrastinating at home, gut it. Gut the home of all clutter. Every drawer, every closet, everything! You will be amazed at how much this frees up the brain to not procrastinate.

Meet new people

Clean the corners of your home. Yes, weird but the corners hold a lot of stagnant energy. It blocks flow. And when you want to meet new people we need to create that flow again. The corners are a great place to start. Vacuum, dust, scrub corners in your home. Don't forget to remove any piles of papers, or book, or junk that has been tossed aside. After this is done, you should feel like something unlocked in your space. LIke you're ready to shine in life again It won't feel as heavy and will push you out of your cave and into the world!

Save money

Look at EVERYTHING  you have. Clothes, furniture, shoes, food, household items, electronics, art, bedding, EVERYTHING! And as you look at EVERYTHING you will see you probably don't need much more if anything. This will help you get a good perspective on your finances and you'll begin saving immediately. See EVERYTHING and you'll want nothing.

Get more sleep

Clean under your bed, declutter the nightstand, and wash or buy new sheets. Under your bed is an area that should not have much if anything under it. You want it to breathe so you can sleep well. The nightstand is an area that can accumulate a lot of crap. It has a way of making us anxious and stressed. It reminds us of stuff we have to do. So clean it! Have a book, a lamp, and a few personal items, but that's it. No work or clutter allowed on it. The sheets are your guardian angels. They should feel good. They should wrap you in nighttime fairytales and bliss. If they are dirty or old or just plain funky, they will impact your sleep. It will mess with your head. SO make them great!

Read more, tv less

First rule of less tv is to be tvless. No TV in the bedroom. NO TV IN THE BEDROOM. This is one of those rules that is extremely important. The bedroom should be free of all electronics. We have so much stimulation that we need to create a room to have a break. Let this be that room. And to read more, while this sounds simple, it's not always the case, but get a book you love. That is another reason we don't actually read enough. We don't like the content. Get a good book. Let it be indulgent. Let it be exciting. Don't read a book you don't want to. End of story.

Find a Significant Other

This is a whole book in itself but here are a few tips. Own your bedroom. Far too often the bedroom is the most neglected place. But ironically, in terms of bringing in love, the bedroom is the magic maker. And to own your space you want to find the part of you that wants to come alive more. By you bringing out more of you, you actually can attract that SO much faster. So, if your room is pale, plain and drab and you are a this goddess in the making, make your room that. Colors of a goddess, art work of a goddess, a bed and bedding of a goddess. Everything should be a reflection of this big powerful you. If you want bullhorns with parisian accents painted in gold and a picture of Thor hanging on your wall, do that. Be as wild and free as possible. Most people worry that this will turn their potential suitor off, but in actuality, you are drawing them closer because you are owning you. Funny how it works. Another and final tip is to remove any stuff from any and all exes. NOTHING. Jewelry, clothing, artwork, bed, whatever, get it out. That is an old energy that keeps people away. Not good.

Have sexier sex

Paint the walls. I know, it's weird but painting a wall a color that is spicy and sexy is awesome for a sexy sex life. It can change the feel of the entire room. Also, have toys on hand. Clean out the nightstand and put some fuzzy handcuffs in the drawer ready to be used. Get rid of any pictures of family in the bedroom. You don't want them seeing any of the sin that will go down. Also, clean the room. Nothing dampens sex like a pile of dirty laundry. Also, beware of old rugs. Rugs are heavy energy that can make it feel like grandmas house. This area should be pure so it can get...dirty. Lastly, erotic art can help. It has a way of giving you permission to live out your fantasies. It's like a green light for whatever you want to do.

Drink less alcohol

Purge the bar in your home. Having a bar or area to make cocktails for when guests come over is a sure fire way to keep you a drinkin. The simplest way to drink less is to get rid of it all. IT's always nice to keep some for friends and family if they come over but you know what's nicer? A healthy liver. You come first. Booze second. You will notice that if there aren't any booze in the house that you'll start drinking less when you go out. Funny how it works.

Learn to cook

Clean off all the counter tops. No you don't need that blender that's never used. No you don't need your steak knives. No you don't need that bread maker. All of these things take up counter space. And the way to learn how to cook is first by having an area that entices you to cook. The more space, the more you'll want to use it.   

Social media detox or general edia detox

No phone by bed. No phone an hour before bed. No phone first thing in the morning. And set timers during the day when you can check social media. Then end. Ha. The way to be less inclined to use social media is by beginning and ending your day with media free periods. You will rewire the brain not to check it. An hour before bed and in the morning will help give you the space you need to see what YOU want. What YOU need. Not what the rest of the world is doing or how well the instagram star's workout went. The key is to have spaces that are solely dedicated to you. No exceptions. And the bedroom is the first place.

Start a new hobby r passion project

When starting a new hobby or project, you want to create a very specific space for it. Move any furniture around that can help you create that space. It may meaning moving that dining room table to the side (that only gets used once a year). The more space you leave for creativity the better. Don't be afraid to use a room or area of the home that is rarely used. Claim it. You can always move that filing cabinet back.  And when you start using it, be creative. Post things on the wall. Have a marker board, let it be a laboratory for experimenting.

 

The Only Way, IN

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There lies a cave that is hidden from the world.

It's dark.

The locals say it's haunted. It will bring great suffering to those who enter.

Most stay away.

Some try but immediately come back out. They saw something they weren't ready for. Terror. NO!

But there are the rare few that know there is something in there.

Something that will consume them. That will shatter their reality.

That will be the only possible thing that brings them true fulfillment. True joy. Truth.

They must go IN. 

And once IN, they see it. It all makes sense. They see themselves! 

Their beliefs. Their upbringing. Their loves. Their rage. Their dreams. Their fears. Their lust. Their joy. Their grief. Their wildness. Their secrets. Their Power. Their truth.

IN dear friend. IN. It's the only way.

When I began this journey, many moons ago, I tried everything but going IN.

Who in the name of God would want to see that confronting hell?

I tried apps, books, certifications, palm readers, psychics, mystics, energy readers, courses, everything...but going IN

I wanted them to tell me the answer. I wanted them to make me feel better. I wanted external validation. I thrived on it. I begged for it. 

Ah, but life wasn't having it. 

At the end of the day it came down to me finally understanding there would be no external force that could ever change my life the way I wanted it. 

No job. No guru. No money. No partner. Absolutely nothing. 

The thing I was searching for was already there. Ready and waiting. 

Me.

And it was time to go IN. 

IN is scary. IN is sacred. IN is painful. IN is exciting. IN is the only way.

So, kiss your loved ones goodbye,  raise your sword, grab your lantern, watch your footing, and begin the journey IN.

It's the only way through.

Love,

Bryce

The Time I Stood Up To Suge Knight (true story)

Way back when, at a restaurant called Gladstone's 4 Fish, in Malibu, I was but a young waiter trying to live the dream of being an actor. I had finished college and drove out West to pursue my divine calling. Gladstone's was an incredible restaurant to work for. It was on the beach. We stole lobsters and fillets. We had crazy parties. If you worked a morning shift, you could be in the mountains skiing by the afternoon. Zero responsibility. Unlimited possibility. Life was good. 

One day, I began my shift like any other. I clocked in. Put my iconic white shorts on. Saw which section I would be working in. The usual. I was put in the back section. Blah. It was slow during lunch but was killer in the evening. Slow lunch. Ok. Whatever. I chatted with my bestie Christine, no biggie. 

Out of nowhere my manager comes in, "Bryce, what the hell are you doing, you have a table. GO!" Shit. I run out, push through the doors and boom! There were 10 huge men in my section. HUGE. No one else. Just these guys. GIANT. They were smoking cigars. Illegal. They brought their own booze. Illegal. They took up 5 tables (not illegal but a dick move). My stomach sank. 

Holy God, this is Suge Knight and his posse. The Suge Knight who has been tried multiple times for murder. Who beat up people for parking in his space. Who has sent death squads to his enemies. Who doesn't give a flying shit about anything. And what, I'm going to serve him Baked Halibut in my tiny white shorts along with his compatriots in a closed off section with no other people around? Are you kidding me?!

As I entered the den of lions, I realized just how tiny my shorts were. "Hi, what would you like to order? We have a blueberry margarita and our special is Baked Halibut with a parmesan crust, horseradish and dijon mustard. It's delicious and one of the guest favorites." I'm dead. Halibut will be my last words.

Never looking up, speaking through his cigar, "I want 10 seafood towers, 15 lobsters and 15 fillets. I need it all in 20 minutes. I want 4 bottles." Bottles of what? "Bottles!" He points to the Hennessy he brought.  "Sir, I don't know if we serve bottles of Hennessy." He looks at me. "4 bottles it is." 

I leave. My white shorts now stained with tears and a goodbye note to my mother. 

Food comes out. They eat it. They smoke. Now we're onto weed. Illegal. I bring more "bottles." I drop the check and leave. 

Slowly, one by one, they exit the restaurant. "Bye, thanks for coming to Gladstone's 4 Fish. Be sure to try calamari next time. Take care. Bye."

A sigh of relief. My face is intact. All is good. I go to see what kind of tip was left. Nothing.

No, no tip. NO DAMN BILL. He didn't pay the bill. A $2400 bill. Nothing. Walked out. Restaurant policy is you pay if they don't. I run to my manager and tell him that Suge Freaking Killer Knight left without paying. He reiterated the rules. "I know the rules but we're talking about my life here." He didn't care. I started calculating how to pay this. I couldn't. I had nothing. Meltdown. 

There was one choice- confront the former LA Rams Defensive End who weighed double what I did purely in muscle. I run out to the parking lot, white shorts riding up my ass. Sweating. Dying inside. I approach him and immediately am blocked by his body guards who are even bigger than him. Imagine standing a tank end to end and giving those tanks legs, that was these men. "What do you want? What the fuck are you doing?" Suge turns around. Looks at me. Pissed. Comes towards me.

"What?" Ummm..."Mr. Suge, you forgot to pay the bill." 

Silence. Body guards silent. Suge silent. The earth stopped rotating. The white shorts hid themselves high up in my butt cheeks. Deafening stillness. 

Reaches into his pocket. Death whispered in my ear, "Welcome home."

It was his wallet. I have never, to this day, seen so many hundreds. He pulls out 24 crisp 100 dollar bills. And a $20. Hands it to me. He calls his group cheap ass bitches. They laughed. They had to or else...I was going to laugh. But I didn't. He walks away, gets in his car and drives off. 

I exhale for what seems like the first time in my life. I got my damn money. 

Is there any moral to this story? No. I just wanted to indulge in a very true tale that happened during my 23rd birthday. And now, 14 years later, on my 37th birthday, I am in California meditating for a week thinking how crazy this wild, wacky, world is. 

Ain't it a ride...

Please meet the fearless woman called "ThunderFury."

First, a legal disclosure: Don't be daft and think in any way I am condoning not choosing to undergo chemotherapy based on this post. Listen to your doctor and be educated in your choices...

That said, I want to tell you a little story about a woman I met at brunch the other day. We will call this woman, ThunderFury, because that was the energy she brought with her. Let us begin. 

The day was rainy. The winds were fierce. It was Saturday and a group of random people were meeting for brunch at The Smith on third. We were pulled together by a common friend who was in town and wanted to see everyone before returning to her home in New Zealand. Brunch was nice. I had eggs benedict. I also had an iced coffee. A group of us got to talking and had a lovely morning. Then...

Without warning, ThunderFury rolls in like The Titanic crashing into the iceberg, there were casualties in her wake. Big, wild, beaming, energy. She was drinking vodka, club soda, with a tea bag in the glass. People knew ThunderFury. How couldn't you. She was a direct descendent of Thor the ThunderGod. I didn't know her but I was curious as to why she had a tea bag in her drink. So, I got up the courage and asked why this tea bag. "Because I don't want any fucking sugar in my drink." Made sense. But why the tea bag? "Because I hate the taste of vodka." Ok. Fair. But what about the sugar you're eating in your brioche french toast? "Yeah, I have stage 4 cancer and I refuse to give up everything good." 

Oh. 

The tea bag was lost in sea of gasps. ThunderFury dropped the bomb she had stage 4 cancer as casually as someone asking about a tea bag in a vodka drink. Then the following was spoken by ThunderFury. 

"Yeah, I have stage 4 cancer. It's not a big fucking deal. Look, I'm not going to die. I'm going to be ok." Do you have to get treatment. "Yeah, I have fucking stage 4 cancer."

Of course.

"But one thing I'm not going to do is fucking chemotherapy. This ass fucking surgeon comes in and says that if I don't I am going to die. I don't listen to this clown. Is he an oncologist? Is he my doctor that I've been working with? Is he the smartest man for the job? Fuck no. You know why? Because he was some bitch ass doctor that had only one treatment for me and it was chemo fucking therapy. Arrogant mother fucker" 

Silence. 

"And I told this fucker to get out of my room. Chemotherapy ain't happening. Chemotherapy is non-negotiable. I am not afraid to die. Take me now because if I'm going to go, I'm going like a ball of fucking fire."

I believed her.

"Chemotherapy is non-negotiable and I told him to find me a doctor that knows what they are talking about and present me with real options. Then I told him to get the fuck out of my face..."

Stupefied. 

All I could do was take a bite of my wonderful home fries. Sometimes the potatoes can be too hard in the middle and will quite frankly ruin the meal. Not the case here. 

So, what did you do, ThunderFury?

"I found someone who knew my body. Who gave me options. Who spoke to me like fucking human. And on top of that I decided to try the whole fucking holistic route as well. And guess what, now I am not going to fucking die. Fuck chemotherapy and those mother fuckers" 

ThunderFury then takes a bite of her heavily sugared brioche french toast. Swigs the vodka infused tea and just like that...

ThunderFury was gone. 

Awe. Disbelief. Silence. 

Someone leaned over to me and said, "You know she tried to patent this vodka infused tea idea. However, the patent office told her she would first have to make her own brand of vodka to which she replied, 'fuck that.'"

Yep.

When she was gone, all I kept thinking was how insane this woman was...and yet, she had a conviction to herself that I rarely, if ever, see. ThunderFury was willing to die before receiving chemotherapy. Extreme yes but I was so damn impressed by her fortitude. Was it crazy? Absolutely. But yoww, I think of all the things in life that should be non-negotiable and aren't. What am I willing to die for? What are you willing to die for? 

Moral of this story, find the non-negotiables in life and no matter what, do not sacrifice them. Be ThunderFury. She chose her life, even if it meant ending it. Damn. That's living...

Legal Note: I AM NOT SAYING NOT TO RECEIVE MEDICAL TREATMENT AND TO GO LIVE IN A GAVE AND HEAL YOURSELF WITH FLOWER POWER!  

This could be the end...

This could be the end of the world as we know it. Or it couldn't. Who the heck knows. But it could. We could get bombed, poisoned, stabbed, strangled, sick, break, tortured, bitten, slashed, burnt, drowned, hiccuped, shot, beaten, crushed, buried, dismembered, and whole host of other wonderful things. We could. It has happened since the dawn of time. We have died. No escaping that big one. Sometimes natural, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes by mistake. But, either way, we done died. 

Knowing the inevitability of death, I must ask this question: How will you live? If death is a knockin on the door, how are you going to live in this moment. Because I hate to say it, this is a one way street. It's not meant to be morbid, it is meant to be sobering. It is meant to really, really, really get real with yourself and see what parts you may be hiding from in your life. Because I promise, whatever area you are playing small in will never compare to the grim reaper waiting for you to finish that last sip of rosé. 

Well damn, then what's the point? If we are walking dead then why even live!? YES! That is exactly it. Because most people live like that. They live like the walking dead. Like at some subconscious level they have died. And to that I say FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

I was in the West Village. I had just finished up with a client. I was feeling good. I was skipping. I was playing with my pigtails. Life was friggin great. Until, a thought! "If they can bomb a concert in Manchester they can certainly bomb the West Village. They can bomb me! And I'm happy right now. They'll definitely want me." True story. I pooped on my day. I slowly got sad. Depressed and became the walking dead. I was going to be bombed and that's all there was to that. It's over.

Until I realized the name of my company is BOOM FREAKING FENG SHUI. And in that moment I saw two paths for me. One, terror and death. Two, live like a freaking rockstar and immortality (I mean my lil ol body would be gone but my soul well...). I chose rockstar. If I'm going to go, I'm going big. I'm going hard. I'm going out without any damn regrets. It's the only way.

Check in, see if you are the walking dead. If there is a big ol' fat wahhhhhhh in your energy and mind. Or is there a big ol MY NAME IS THOR THE THUNDER GOD AND I DECLARE MY LIFE RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME.  It's your choice. It really is. It's always your choice. 

Ps, I was so pumped to be alive that I bought a hotdog from a street vendor... I wanted to die.